Today wasn’t bad i got up chilled with my friend went to work and came home.Now in this day i relized something. I miss ontario everything there was fun and now im here oh well ill go back someday tomorrow i have an exam i know ill fail but who cares its whatever. thats bout it peace.

So I just broke down for the 4th time in three days and I feel like im nothing im worthless. ive stoped writting my feelings. its been about 4 or 5 months.Ive givin up on my life im never gonna ammount to anything in life.im always gonna be depressed ive been depress for years now and its funny because i can hide it soo well barely anyone notices when im depressed. i feel theres nothing left.maybe i should just end it all. See, mother fuckers don’t wanna listen, nobody understands that, with out sacrifice, there’s nothing worth it, you see what I’m sayin? Nobody understands that, they just do what they wanna do, and live their life how they wanna do it, they don’t wanna give nothin’ up, you know? But me, I’d give it all up, if its worth it… 

junejuggalette:

Every time I start to feel alone, I’m reminded of the family that I have, even though  I’ve never met them. To every one of you juggalos and juggalettes that follow me, like a post, reblog, or even take the time to glance at the shit I post, I heart you. I hope I even get to meet some of you at the Gathering this year.

Whoop Whoop and much love.

Its been awhile… i fucked up bad i did something i wish i could change with all my soul. Im pretty sure i lost the one thing thats most important to me.i hate myself soo fucking much. Ive never thought about suicide this much in my life ive thought about it over the last month everyone would be better off with out me i want pills or weed or some hardcore drug that will fuck me up so i can be happy once more in life i dont want to live the only thing keeping me here was her and now shes gone like i should have just said no.i should have thought with my head instead of my dick. i litteraly feel dead inside theres nothing in me people honestly dont know how good of an actor i really am.theres nothing left my dads gone my stepdads dieing i fucking hate being in this family im the only one that does shit and get shit all. one question ive always wondered is how much itd take to push me over the edge and just kill myself. doesnt seem like a whole lot. maybe i should do it. maybe if i was out of everyones lives everything would be better no one to hurt.ive disappointed people ive fucked up im done ive lived ive done everytihng ive wanted to maybe its my time to leave…

I hate holidays with a passion. every time a holiday comes someone always says to me get in the spirit. fuck that they dont have to go through waking up on Christmas morning and thinking its just another year your gone. Ive been dealing with depression for a while now and just when i think Ive got it under control everything just fucks up and i cant deal with it. i fucking hate it. i dont feel like a normal person. i feel out of my element.I’m waiting for the day it gets too much to handle…

Alone,

Dark,

Stupid,

Self Harm,

Self Blame,

Hard On Themselves,

Suicidal,

Smoker,

Happy,

Empty,

Heartless,

One Of These 12 Things I Have Not Been Can You Guess??

Im tired of holding up my walls that just always seem to fall down.right now i really want something,anything really that i can just get fucked on liquor or drugs or anything the will change my mind just for idk i guess i just want to be happy but i highly doubt itll happen with me.i feel like dropping dead sometimes i cant take it anymore im ready to just break down im trying to stay strong for so many people cause theres soo many i can hurt and i feel its hard to please them all i just cant seem to do it anymore. i miss you and im sorry for all my shit and i hope you read this i just idk what to do anymore…